Why Have Sex?

The Importance of Finding Your Whys

By Corinne Farago

We’re all on a wild ride together. There’s no question about that. Every part of our life, from health, politics, cultural norms, climate, are in a state of crisis.

Depression and anxiety are skyrocketing. I don’t know about you, but it sometimes feels like life is spinning out of control.

When I sit down to write about sex, or speak to a group, or coach a client, this question, “why have sex?”, keeps bubbling up for me.

Even in the best of times, it’s important to answer this question for yourself, but these days of escalating urgency from the micro to the macro, why have sex?, is a question that is worth spending some time on.

Where does sex fit into this chaos and uncertainty?

Let’s look at some of the roles sex plays in our lives and why now more than ever we can turn to sex to help support our health and well-being.

 

Intimacy

Intimacy is my number one reason for keeping sex alive and fulfilling during stressful times. That applies to partner sex and solo sex. Intimacy with self is a prerequisite for intimacy with another.

Feeling intimate is a basic human need. Sexual intimacy is a uniquely potent experience. It requires us to open our bodies as well as our hearts. Being seen in our desire, and orgasmic energy is extremely intimate. We feel seen, accepted, and wanted. These experiences feed our hearts and souls, and all these feelings help to regulate us emotionally. When we’re being emotionally resourced by expressions of intimacy, we’re better able to meet the world’s demands with balance, calm and clarity.

Similarly, being sexually active and fulfilled impacts our self-esteem. Feeling loved up and satisfied brightens our day and how we relate to work, parenting, and the world. Everyone in our life benefits from our sexual satisfaction!

 

The Biology of Sex

From hormones to neurotransmitters, sex creates states of relaxation and closeness with a partner that can impact the relationship for days after sexual intimacy.

I was just speaking with a woman who said that the closeness she and her partner feel after sex is one her whys for having sex in the first place. She sees the difference it makes in her partner’s state of happiness and mood. This positively impacts how she views her partner, which in turn enhances his feelings of love and acceptance. And the wheels go around and round.

Orgasms don’t just feel good in the moment, they also help protect us from depression and anxiety. So partnered or solo, it is healthy to include orgasms in your mental fitness routine.

 

Sex as a Health and Wellness Practice

Those same hormones bolster our immune system, helping us to ward off illness.

Sex reduces stress. Chronic stress is fast becoming an epidemic in our crazy world. The damage of chronic stress touches every part of our human body and brain. Chronic stress can lead to high blood pressure. Sexual intimacy and orgasmic release resets our nervous system and returns us to a much-needed state of peace from which to tackle life again.

Sex is a pain reliever. Stepping out of the contraction of pain and turning our attention to pleasure may be the shift in brain chemistry that changes your experience of pain.

Sex helps us sleep better (although I recommend staying away from late night sex if you want some energy and presence to be part of your experience) having an orgasm at 7pm works just as well in giving you a deep sleep.

It’s an accepted fact that sex reduces heart attacks and strokes.

Having sex is on par with a brisk walk or light exercise, and it’s a lot more fun.

 

Find Your Whys

All this to say, find your why’s for keeping sex interesting and desirable and remember them!

Sex isn’t just for the stress-free, the turned on, the wild explorers, sex is for every human. Sexuality is an integral part of who we are born to be. Sex is a magical concoction of brain chemistry, hormones, and our nervous system mixed with vulnerability, love and intimacy that can soothe the worried mind.

Use sex as a way to enhance your life emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually. Put sex to use in ways that extend and enliven your quality of life.

 

Getting Back to Sex and Intimacy

Perhaps sex is not fulfilling or even happening right now in your relationship.

If it’s been a while, or you know sex could be better, coaching is a tool that will lead you and your partner back to honest communication and renewed exploration and growth.

 

Let’s get on the phone for 15 minutes and have a conversation about love, sex and desire in your life.

 

I work via Zoom with clients from around the world. There is nothing stopping you from getting the highest quality coaching available, from wherever you happen to live.

 

You can schedule a complimentary 15 minute Discover Call by clicking here

 

Stay well and love deeply,

Corinne

P.S. – Don’t forget! Join me, summit host Samantha Kirkegaard, and more than twenty relationship experts for:
 
“Lead With Love: How to Manage Your Emotions and Enjoy Better Communication and Connection With Your Partner”, a complimentary interview series for women, and discover how to return to LOVE.
 
My interview will be live on Monday, January 10, reserve your spot here:

Click here to register for this amazing summit!