Intimacy is the foundation to our relationships. When it’s burning bright, everything flows with ease, patience, forgiveness, light-heartedness and safety. Yes, safety. Sharing a feeling of intimacy with our partner gives us that much needed sense of security. Security that we belong, that someone has our back, that we are doing something right in our relationship, and feeling the positive effects of it.
My female cousin was a primary contributor to my early sex education, when I needed it most. For instance she clarified that I couldn’t get pregnant by dancing with a boy, no matter how close we got. She also confirmed that I wasn’t the only person who touched themselves (down there), and most importantly, she showed me that ‘wellness massagers from Sears were used for things other than sore necks and shoulders. A few years later my boyfriend introduced me to the real deal. A vibrator made specifically for genital arousal. It was a cream colored, hard plastic, shapeless cylinder with a twisting on/off switch at the end.
I coach people of all ages and cultures who have expressed their reluctance to include sex toys in their intimate time with a partner. They either suspect, or have been told that their partner is worried that a good vibrator will replace them in the bedroom.