3 Lessons Vibrators Taught Me About Good Sex
Good Vibes
By Corinne Farago
My female cousin was a primary contributor to my early sex education, when I needed it most. For instance she clarified that I couldn’t get pregnant by dancing with a boy, no matter how close we got.
She also confirmed that I wasn’t the only person who touched themselves (down there), and most importantly, she showed me that ‘wellness massagers from Sears were used for things other than sore necks and shoulders.
A few years later my boyfriend introduced me to the real deal. A vibrator made specifically for genital arousal. It was a cream colored, hard plastic, shapeless cylinder with a twisting on/off switch at the end.
My first vibrator turned sex from an act I’d perform because my boyfriend liked it, to a sensual experience designed for my orgasmic pleasure.
Here are 3 lessons my first vibrator taught me about sexual pleasure:
- My 1st lesson was that sexual pleasure was for me, not just my partner. Both genders come into sex with misconceptions and beliefs, based on inadequate sex education that doesn’t address pleasure, or porn that depicts male pleasure over female pleasure. When a young woman begins to experience sex for her own pleasure, she awakens her sexual desire. Owning her desire makes sex not only better for her, but it makes her a better lover to her partner as well.
- My 2nd lesson was, vibrators helped me explore my own body and its unique paths to arousal. When I could give myself an orgasm, I felt more confident to have an orgasm with a partner. If a woman comes to me wanting to learn how to have an orgasm with her partner, I’ll first coach her in how to get comfortable with masturbation and giving herself orgasms. Once she understands how her body works, she can show her partner how to touch her, and teach them how to please her.
- My 3rd lesson was that I was in control of my orgasmic pleasure and, I didn’t need to rely on anyone else to give it to me. If a woman grows up always relying on a partner in order to have an orgasm, they can fail to develop a sense of healthy autonomy in relationships. Partner sex will always be something women can share with another, but an orgasm is what a woman can give herself. Our bodies are made for sexual pleasure, whether we’re partnered or not.
My first vibrator, many years ago, taught me these 3, important lessons about sexual pleasure, and laid the foundation for all other sex toys to come into my life, of which there have been many!
I think back now, on that shapeless, hard plastic, noisy, vibrator that I thought was the best invention ever…
We’ve come a long way, baby!
Today there are remote vibrators and Bluetooth vibrators. There are vibrators for the clit, the G-spot, necklaces, panties and penises.
If you’re new to vibrators, your journey awaits you. Pick the one that speaks to you, and let your explorations begin.
It’s safe to say that we’re all riding these good ‘vibes’ as far as they’ll take us. I can’t wait to see, and experience what’s to come.
9 Reasons Why Couples Work With a Relationship Coach
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscious or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or, at worst no longer exist.
Sexual Trauma and PTSD
Sexual Trauma and PTSD keep painful memories from our past alive and present in our day to day lives. Hypnotherapy uses the power of your own mind to unlock the hold these memories have on you, by helping your brain process them in a gentle and effective way. If you suffer from trauma, you’re well aware that some memories trigger feelings of present-time fear, keeping you anxious, and on high alert, even though consciously you know you’re no longer in danger. If some of those memories have created Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that means your brain is ‘matching’ those past memories to present day experiences, or what is referred to as ‘pattern matching’ in Hypnotherapy.
New Ways to Heal Old Wounds
When two people get together to form a relationship, there are two sets of wounds merging and intertwining, our partner’s and our own. We know when our old wounds are being dragged into a conflict because our pain and defensiveness will suddenly spike. If our partner is speaking the same words as our inner abuser, the armor will go up, and disagreements will escalate into shouting, tearful battles.
I’m Done With Sex!
When I hear a woman make such a resounding statement as ‘I’m done with sex’, I imagine a long road of frustration, obligation, unmet desires and unspoken words, leading up to that absolute declaration. Sex is not about obligation, although women have been told it was their obligation for eons of time. Relatively speaking, it wasn’t all that long ago that women were considered the property of a man, and their role in life was having a family and pleasing her husband. (and in many parts of the world still are).