I recently got hooked into a reality show on Netflix called Married at First Sight. It followed four couples who agreed to arranged marriages, meeting for the first time on the day of their wedding. Three relationship experts paired them from a large pool of applicants. The show follows these four couples for two months, from the honeymoon to sharing an apartment for six weeks while they work and live their day to day lives as a married couple.
The next time you hug your partner, or smile at them from across the dinner table, or take their hand when you’re walking together, speak your love out loud so they can hear it. Don’t assume they know you love them, or assume they don’t need to hear what’s obvious. Feel your love, find the words to express it and let them flow.
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscience or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or at worst no longer exist.
In my Tips for Couples in Captivity blog posts over the past weeks I’ve been inspired by clients, both their questions and their solutions. What did I hear about this week? Couples want to take advantage of this at-home time together to focus on their relationship, everything from ironing out the conflict wrinkles to having better sex and intimacy.
Once again, I’m inspired to write about a topic raised by a few of my coaching clients this week, the F word. The word that makes some of us open up wanting more and makes some of us close down, running in the opposite direction.
Three recent conversations with clients inspired me to write about pleasurable touch, and why most people can dish it out, but they can’t take it. There is so much more to touch than laying our hands on another person’s body. There’s context, intention, expectation, desire, sensation, communication. Touch is a language not just between you and your partner’s body, but it’s also a communication between your hands and your brain.
The next time your partner is letting loose and expressing their fear with uncertainty, frustration with family dynamics, work related anxiety, existential angst, grief of loss, overwhelm with a new normal, or any other challenging emotion, say these words to yourself… “I don’t have to fix this right now”
Let’s stop ignoring the elephant in our relationship and start talking about it. We can even thank the elephant for sticking around and reminding us that we’re ignoring our own sensual and sexual needs. You might ask yourself, what are my sexual and sensual needs? What would it look like to have them met? How do I want to be seen and accepted in my sexuality?
Learning how to fight like a Ninja! Being forced to stay home together can put our relationship skills to the test. Suddenly the person we chose to support and nourish us with their love and protection is pushing our buttons and causing us more stress than comfort.
9 tips on how to stay out of the roommate zone while in captivity... When we don’t have a work place outside of our home to create physical distance from our beloved partners, we need to rethink how to maintain the necessary ebb and flow of coming and going from each other’s company.