I consider relationship jealousy to be one of the more painful emotional challenges, regardless of your chosen relationship model. No one teaches us how to protect ourselves from the agonizing grip of jealousy. In full force jealousy is emotionally (and physically) overwhelming. It not only cuts to our deepest fear of not being loved, but on a very primal level, jealousy is a warning sign that even our physical survival may be threatened if we were to lose our partner to another.

By engaging in honest self-reflection and exploring the source of our stories, we can better understand ourselves and improve relationships by approaching conversations with clarity instead of fear or judgement. By owning up to what we’re telling ourselves and actively listening to our inner dialogue, we can unravel distorted thinking and create healthier connections with those around us.

When two people get together to form a relationship, there are two sets of wounds merging and intertwining, our partner’s and our own. We know when our old wounds are being dragged into a conflict because our pain and defensiveness will suddenly spike. If our partner is speaking the same words as our inner abuser, the armor will go up, and disagreements will escalate into shouting, tearful battles.