Initiating sex with our partner is a mixed bag for couples. It comes with ease for some, where just a look or an innuendo sets things in motion, but for most couples initiation is laden with a dynamic that create feelings of frustration, misunderstanding and resentment.
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We’re together with our partner day in and day out. Each week looks the same as the last. The passing scenery isn’t changing. We’re not even sure of our destination anymore. We’re just going along, without having much impact on how the trip is progressing. We’ve become passive passengers in our relationship, cruising in automatic.
When I hear a woman make such a resounding statement as ‘I’m done with sex’, I imagine a long road of frustration, obligation, unmet desires and unspoken words, leading up to that absolute declaration. Sex is not about obligation, although women have been told it was their obligation for eons of time. Relatively speaking, it wasn’t all that long ago that women were considered the property of a man, and their role in life was having a family and pleasing her husband. (and in many parts of the world still are).
How many people have you been naughty with over the past week? We don’t have a whole lot of people we can be naughty with. Being naughty is reserved for a very limited few. For most of us it probably boils down to one. Your intimate partner is the one person you have the freedom to be naughty with.
Wikipedia defines Kink as ‘unconventional’ sexual practices. We have all practiced, fantasized or secretly desired what may be considered ‘unconventional’ sexual practices. It’s the beautiful nature of our erotic minds to engage with ideas that create arousal in our bodies.
Fetish sexuality is worth a post of it’s own. It’s a fascinating subsection of kink that will often have its roots in early life experiences that, for one reason or another, have been eroticized, and therefore inextricably embedded in our sexual brains. Fetishes can range from an enjoyable distraction, to a necessary ingredient of our sexual fulfillment.
Ah, passion. Everyone loves passion. It’s an energy that moves and enlivens us. Similar to romance, we’re all indoctrinated into what passion looks like. It’s feels exciting. It’s thrilling. It can even feel dangerous at times. Passion can launch us into an epic love story with our forever soul mate, and it can also lead us astray into illicit love and bad decisions.
Here’s the confronting truth about life that’s hard to avoid, but easy to ignore. You’re going to lose everything and everyone you care about in life. But read on, because this truth is what makes gratitude a profound and precious practice.
News Flash! Studies now show that long-term couples who may feel they’ve lost that ‘lovin’ feelin’ can reactivate their brain’s romantic reward centers by ushering Romance back into their lives. The whirlwind excitement of Romance carries us into a relationship, and the deepening of Romance keeps that relationship alive and thriving.
Although I speak about how sexual styles may differ from each other, I don’t view them in any kind of hierarchy. I think all 6 sexual styles (sensual, slow sex, romance, passion, fetish and kink) are alive in every one of us. We’re just more familiar with some and less familiar with others. But combined, they offer a full-spectrum erotic experience that can feed us on multiple levels, sometimes even within one sexual occasion.