Rekindling Emotional and Physical Intimacy Through Tantra

Unlock the Secrets of Tantric Passion and Experience Lasting Intimacy

By Corinne Farago

What is Tantra and What Does it Offer?

My new client was unfamiliar with Tantra, or even the notion that sex came in a variety of styles and energies.

Most of his sexual inspiration and modeling over many decades came from porn, a pastime he adopted in his teens to relieve his stress, and indulge his fantasies. He had been exposed to pretty much every sex act online before he’d even lost his virginity.

I do believe that porn, when created ethically, has a place in our society, and in our relationships, but most all mainstream porn, is written, directed and designed for the male erotic mind. It’s shot and edited to escalate arousal quickly and keep the viewer clicking.

 

Online Passion vs. In-Person Presence

Porn overstimulates the brain’s reward centers. It gives the viewer a quick hit, followed by a crash, which in turn keeps us clicking to find the hit again.

Over the past few decades, porn has increasingly been reduced to the most stimulating, sexually intense images, sacrificing any semblance of storyline.

In heterosexual mainstream porn, women are objectified more as enthusiastic sex dolls, than multi-layered humans with their own desires and timeline to reaching full arousal.

In a real sense, porn has molded a large portion of our society’s definition of sex into a very narrow male perspective and expression.

High octane porn sex is only one slice of a large pie of sexual styles, yet those who are raised on porn can be left wondering why their athletic positions, thrusting capacity, and sperm load leave their female-brained partners feeling unfulfilled and wanting more.

Unlike their male counterparts, the female erotic brain is looking for something more than porn inspired sex acts. The female brain responds to storyline. They are drawn to detail and human dynamics that drive desire.

A woman’s arousal has a slower trajectory in reaching a state of arousal that readies her body for sex and penetration. It’s for this reason, seduction, foreplay, romance are part of most women’s core erotic fantasy and pleasure.

It takes time to build erotic tension in real life, and it takes presence and connection to light up the female brain. Romance and seduction don’t play well in porn. If it’s clicks that porn production companies want, the erotic brain of the female is going to be unengaged and uninspired.

For men (and women) who have been raised on porn, it’s often a relief to learn that sex doesn’t have to be focused on the performance standards you see online. Genitals don’t have to look a certain way. Good sex isn’t measured by the numbers of orgasms we can push out of our bodies.

Thankfully, there are more alternatives to mainstream porn than ever before. Women are writing, directing and producing their own productions, for their own audiences. Women who make porn all share a common goal, to try to address the discrepancies in porn between the male and female turn-on.

You can read more about my thoughts on porn alternatives for couples in my article here.

 

Rekindle Intimacy with Communication, Trust, and Emotional Connection

Tantra/Slow Sex is an antidote to the porn-driven sexual style so often represented in adult entertainment. Making love in the Tantric way means to be fully present with your sex partner. It asks us to bring our full attention to each moment. In Tantric lovemaking, there is no goal to be reached, and no race toward orgasm. Instead, there is complete attention to each touch, each breath and each sensation.

In this sense, Tantric lovemaking is more geared to female arousal. It builds passion at a slower pace by incorporating sensuality and romance. It draws us out of our minds and into our hearts and bodies.

Tantra encourages us to stay connected to our five senses (touch, sight, smell, seeing and taste). We use our senses to grow our capacity to stay in the present moment. The ancient practice of Tantra is in many respects the foundation of what we now commonly refer to as mindfulness. Tantric love-making is mindful sex.

To learn and benefit deeply from Tantra, we must practice being still, undistracted and aware. When we smell a rose, we smell it in this moment, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now, right here. When we welcome the rose-smelling into our undivided attention, we become aware of the scent, the softness and color of the petals, every aspect of the rose occupies our present moment senses.

This is the essence of Tantra. It’s a practice, a perspective, a philosophy that not only enhances our sexuality. It enhances our experience of life.

Tantric love-making is characterized by a deeper sense of emotional and physical connection between partners.

In Tantra, partners are typically focused on each other’s needs and desires, with communication, trust, and emotional intimacy being key components of the sexual experience.

This focus on present moment intimacy can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience for both partners, as they discover the pleasure of slowing down.

We’ve all been told that porn is not real life, but how do we learn new skills and expand our sexual repertoire to appeal to a variety of sexual appetites?

Like anything new we learn in life, practice makes perfect, and being present is no different. Tantra requires practitioners to be present and vulnerable, which can be uncomfortable for some people. If a couple is struggling with relationship issues, Tantra will expose the resentment or a lack of trust. It’s not a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all approach, and it requires effort and dedication.

 

Addressing the Challenges of Intimacy During Sex

There are many reasons why some couples might struggle with intimacy during sex. One of the most common reasons is a lack of trust. When we feel unsafe or uncertain with our partner, it can be difficult to let go and be vulnerable with them. Other factors that can contribute to difficulties with intimacy include past trauma or abuse, body image issues, performance anxiety, relationship problems, and stress.

For men in particular there may be societal pressure to perform and meet certain expectations during sex, which can create anxiety and make it difficult to be fully present in the moment. This pressure can also lead to a focus on orgasm as the primary goal, which can detract from the intimacy of the experience.

Many men have been socialized to believe that emotions are a sign of weakness, and that vulnerability should be avoided. This can lead them to avoid emotional intimacy in their relationships, which in turn leads them to shy away from intimacy during sex.

Women may struggle with intimacy during sex for a variety of reasons as well. These can include discomfort or pain during intercourse, difficulty achieving orgasm, feeling self-conscious about their bodies, or a lack of emotional connection with their partner.

Those who have been hurt in past relationships or who have experienced trauma may struggle to trust others and be vulnerable with their partner.

Regardless of the specific reasons why someone might struggle with intimacy during sex, it’s important to approach the situation with compassion and understanding.

 

Seek Support to Learn New Skills and Expand Your Sexual Repertoire

Couples can learn to expand their sexual styles by working with a Relationship and Intimacy Coach. I work with my coaching clients and teach them how to have open and honest conversations about sex and intimacy, so they can build a safe and supportive environment that encourages trust.

Seeking the help of a trained professional can also be beneficial for working through underlying issues and developing healthy communication and intimacy skills.

 

If you’re struggling with intimacy during sex and want to learn new skills, I invite you to take the first step towards a more fulfilling sexual experience by scheduling a Discovery Call today.

During our call, we will discuss your individual needs and come up with a plan of action tailored specifically for you. Together, let’s explore Tantra and create a safe and supportive environment for greater levels of intimacy during sex.

Click here to get started!