Wikipedia defines Kink as ‘unconventional’ sexual practices. We have all practiced, fantasized or secretly desired what may be considered ‘unconventional’ sexual practices. It’s the beautiful nature of our erotic minds to engage with ideas that create arousal in our bodies.
Fetish sexuality is worth a post of it’s own. It’s a fascinating subsection of kink that will often have its roots in early life experiences that, for one reason or another, have been eroticized, and therefore inextricably embedded in our sexual brains. Fetishes can range from an enjoyable distraction, to a necessary ingredient of our sexual fulfillment.
Ah, passion. Everyone loves passion. It’s an energy that moves and enlivens us. Similar to romance, we’re all indoctrinated into what passion looks like. It’s feels exciting. It’s thrilling. It can even feel dangerous at times. Passion can launch us into an epic love story with our forever soul mate, and it can also lead us astray into illicit love and bad decisions.
News Flash! Studies now show that long-term couples who may feel they’ve lost that ‘lovin’ feelin’ can reactivate their brain’s romantic reward centers by ushering Romance back into their lives. The whirlwind excitement of Romance carries us into a relationship, and the deepening of Romance keeps that relationship alive and thriving.
Although I speak about how sexual styles may differ from each other, I don’t view them in any kind of hierarchy. I think all 6 sexual styles (sensual, slow sex, romance, passion, fetish and kink) are alive in every one of us. We’re just more familiar with some and less familiar with others. But combined, they offer a full-spectrum erotic experience that can feed us on multiple levels, sometimes even within one sexual occasion.
Being a master sensualist is knowing how to tune out the world and tune into your body, your senses, your sensations, your experience of pleasure. As we all know, it’s easier said than done.
If you learned how to have hot sex by watching movies or porn, your sex education is lacking the wisdom of slowing down and guiding your lover’s body into an open, receptive, and pleasurable state. Slowing down with your lover is not just about reducing speed, it’s about gaining awareness.
Using kink as a way to heighten passion and deepen trust and intimacy is one of my favorite things to teach couples who come to see me for sex coaching. Often when I use the word kink, people conjure up images of whips, chains and pain. But what’s kinky depends on you. For some people kinky might be a blindfold or being restrained to a chair with satin ties.
Statistically, 70% of the population admit to having a kinky side. If we define kinky as anything outside of your normal sexual experience, then I’d say 100% have a kinky side.
Like food, sexuality comes in all flavors. Kink, fetishes and BDSM all add dimension to our feasts, and add dishes to choose from on our erotic menu. But if you want to learn how to add variety to your sexual palate where do you begin?