By Corinne Farago
Ah, passion. Everyone loves passion. It’s an energy that moves and enlivens us. Similar to romance, we’re all indoctrinated into what passion feels like. It’s feels exciting. It’s thrilling. It can even feel dangerous at times.
Passion can launch us into an epic love story with our forever soul mate, and it can also lead us astray into illicit love and bad decisions.
Passion seems to hold all the power. It swoops in like a giant bird, capturing us in its massive talons, and raises us up to great heights.
Passion is easy to evoke in early stages of a relationship. With every new lover we’re given a blank slate on which we can build any story we want. Supported by the mystery of a new partner, and the novelty of a new body with new desires, passion is easily accessible. We ride the great bird of passion for 6 months, a year, two years, and then in most cases, it flies away leaving us dazed and confused.
How does such a strong, even overwhelming experience at the beginning of a relationship simply go away?
The answer is, it doesn’t go away, because it’s not something outside of yourself. The great bird of passion lives inside of you. You have the choice to rouse your inner passion or let it slumber. You may not be on the easy road to passion that comes with the novelty of a brand new lover, but passion, like any state of mind, is always available for those who understand how to access it.
Once we’ve tasted the excitement of passion, we naturally miss it when it’s gone, or more accurately, we miss the passionate side of ourselves, once we stop generating passion within ourselves.
Waking up the Sleeping Giant
One of the many things I learned in studying to become a Hypnotherapist is that we have the ability to draw out any state of mind we want. We hold the power to control our mental state, our emotions, our responses and yes, our passion.
Once we acknowledge that we’re not the passive victim of our experiences, we can choose to invite our slumbering bird of passion out to play.
This approach to passion comes with the built-in understanding that our partner is not saddled with the responsibility to turn us on. They can certainly help lay the foundation for an arousing interlude, but getting aroused and feeling passionate is your job, and as I say, it’s an inside job.
You have everything you need to invoke passion within yourself. You’ve got your mind and your body. These are the two most powerful tools you own.
The next time you and your partner plan to have some intimate time together, rather than hoping you’re going to be in the mood and not sidelined by distractions or excuses, start to use your mind and your body to call forth your passion.
Your Creative Mind:
We all know what it’s like to feel passionate about someone. They cross our mind throughout the day. We think about all the things we like and appreciate about them. We let ourselves daydream about one of our past erotic encounters that stand out to us, and we begin to fantasize about what we want to do with them in the future.
We’re using our minds to fuel our imagination and engage with our inner passion.
We’re leaving behind our day-to-day persona for a while, and slipping into something more interesting; our erotic persona.
In a sense, we’re meditating on our arousal throughout the day by using our memories and our fantasies. We’re supporting a story about our partner that we find arousing, sexy, and intimate – a story that opens us to them, and to our experience of passion.
By utilizing our imagination, we can choose to view our partner through a different lens. We can suspend our familiarity and allow our imagination to feed our arousal.
If you want to bring your passion online, suspend all the knowledge you have about your partner, your co-parent, your housemate, and remember the mystery that marked your early days together. Recall the novelty you both felt when you first starting have sex. Put your mind to work. It will lead the way and stoke the flames of your passion.
Your Hormonal Body:
Build in some time to awaken your body to pleasure by engaging in solo touch before you get together with your partner.
I often talk about transition time between your day-to-day life and your erotic life.
Even if it’s just 20 minutes, tell your partner you need some privacy so you can relax and prepare to be together. Put on some mood music, lie down, map your body for tension, and begin to let that tension go by breathing deeply for a few minutes.
Give yourself pleasurable touch, beginning with your arms, your face, your belly, and then move on to your more erogenous zones. By slowing down, breathing deeply and creating sensations on our skin, we’re waking up our senses and our hormonal sexual response cycle.
Solo sensual touch releases the brain’s neurotransmitter serotonin. This is the chemical that makes you feel happy, and when you feel happy, you’re less anxious, less distracted and more available for an upgrade to passion.
When we understand our innate power to awaken our own passion, we can step into our erotic persona with more ease and confidence.
By allowing passion to be in the driver’s seat, our busy minds can take a back seat. Orgasms and erections become less challenging. Sex becomes more pleasurable. We’re letting our desire out to be seen and felt. Through our signs of passion, we make the bold statement, “I love what’s happening and I want more of it.”
Our lovers feel our attention and presence in the moment, which, in turn feeds their own inner passion. That’s what I call an erotic feedback loop. Passion is contagious.
Passion isn’t a neat and quiet package. It’s messy, it’s animalistic.
Passion exposes us in our desire and frees us of self-consciousness. It gives us permission to let go and be carried by our pleasure.
Passion isn’t an act. It’s not replicating what you see in porn. Or pretending to be something you’re not. Passion is a place you allow yourself to go that’s real and authentic.
Don’t wait for the great bird of passion to swoop down and carry you away. You could spend years looking for something that already lives inside of you.
And if you don’t believe me, I’ll introduce you to Erotic Hypnotherapy to prove that rousing your sleeping giant is in fact all in your mind (and body).
You can read more about the power of your mind in this blog post:
Take some time this week to consider some of the activities found in the passion section of Your Erotic Menu.
Things like rough sex, scratching, oral sex, porn, sex toys, erotic attire, to name just a few. What sexual activities bring out your inner passion? Ask your partner the same question. Get the conversation started.
Having a coach to guide you on your erotic journey is invaluable. Invest yourself in the parts of your life that have the greatest impact on your day-to-day happiness – love, sex and desire.
If you’d like to learn more about any of the sexual styles found in Your Erotic Menu set up a Discovery Call with me, and let’s talk about your sexual evolution.
Stay well and love deeply,
Schedule your free discovery call and learn how relationship and intimacy coaching opens the door to better Love, Sex and Desire.
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Be sure to download my list of 186 erotic activities that I outline in my new e-book, Your Erotic Menu.
It may be the single most impactful step you take toward your sexual evolution. (I can confidently say, your dates nights will never be the same!)
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