Nurturing Your Inner Child for Self-Compassion & Relationship Bliss

A Guide to Uncovering Self-Love and Intimacy Through Connecting With Your Inner Child.

By Corinne Farago

Loving Your Inner Child (a Work in Progress)

We are, walking, talking memory machines. We draw information from old memories and apply it to our present-day decisions.

Every pleasure we’re drawn to, every pain we avoid, every relationship dynamic or conflict is drawing from these memories to guide us in how we react to experiences, physically and emotionally, in the present moment.

Interestingly, the memories that most impact our adult emotional state took place long ago, when challenging childhood experiences began to form our strategies for surviving in a dangerous world.

Our skills to adapt to threats and develop adaptive strategies that kept us alive as children, often become maladaptive strategies as adults.

Challenging childhood experiences can be impactful on our adult lives because they shape our beliefs, behaviors, and emotional responses.

Our early experiences lay the foundation for how we perceive and interact with the world around us.


Here are some ways that challenging childhood experiences can impact our adult lives:

Emotional Regulation: Challenging childhood experiences can impact our ability to regulate our emotions, leading to difficulties managing stress, anxiety, or depression.

Self-Esteem: Our childhood experiences can impact our self-esteem and sense of worth, which can impact our confidence and ability to pursue our goals in adulthood.

Cognitive Patterns: Negative childhood experiences can shape our thought patterns and lead to negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and cognitive distortions that impact our mental health and overall wellbeing.

Coping Strategies: Challenging childhood experiences can impact the coping strategies we use to manage stress or emotional pain. Unhealthy coping strategies, such as substance abuse or self-harm, can have lasting impacts on our lives.


Introduction to Inner Child Work

By acknowledging the profound impact of our early childhood memories, we can help to heal the part of ourselves that impact our adult beliefs and behaviors. In the therapeutic world, this kind of examination of early experiences is often referred to as ‘inner child work’.

Some people may find the notion of inner child work frivolous because they may not fully understand its purpose or benefits. Others may feel uncomfortable with the idea of exploring their childhood experiences and emotions, or they may view it as a sign of weakness or vulnerability.

By exploring our childhood experiences and emotions, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our behavior patterns with our partner. We can also develop greater compassion and self-awareness, which can improve all our relationships.

It’s important to acknowledge that inner child work can be challenging and emotional at times. It may require us to confront painful memories or emotions that we have buried or avoided. This discomfort can make some people hesitant to engage in this type of therapeutic exploration.


Exploring Attachment Styles: How Loving Your Inner Child Enhances Intimacy & Self-Compassion

Our early experiences with caregivers can shape our attachment styles and impact our ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood.

Attachment styles are formed in childhood based on the quality of the relationship a child has with their primary caregiver. These styles can be secure or insecure, and within the insecure category, there are three subtypes: avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, and disorganized.


Here are some of the ways attachment styles can play out in our intimate relationships and be part of inner child survival strategies:

Avoidant attachment style: Adults with an avoidant attachment style tend to be emotionally distant and may struggle to form close relationships. They may avoid intimacy and find it difficult to trust their partners. They may also struggle with commitment and have a tendency to pull away when a relationship becomes too intense.

Partner 1: “Why didn’t you text me back right away? Do you not care about me anymore?”

Partner 2: “Sorry, I was in a meeting and didn’t see your message. Of course, I care about you.”

In this example, Partner 1 has an anxious attachment style and is worried about being abandoned. They may seek reassurance from their partner frequently and struggle with feelings of insecurity.


Anxious-ambivalent attachment style: Adults with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style tend to be preoccupied with their relationships and may become overly dependent on their partners. They may have a fear of abandonment and may become clingy or needy in their relationships.

Partner 1: “I feel like you’re always so distant. Why won’t you open up to me?”

Partner 2: “I just need my space sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

In this example, Partner 2 has an avoidant attachment style and may struggle with intimacy. They may feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness and need time alone to recharge. This can be difficult for their partner, who may feel neglected or unimportant.


Disorganized attachment style: Adults with a disorganized attachment style tend to have difficulty regulating their emotions and may struggle with intimacy. They may have a history of trauma or abuse in their childhood, which can make it challenging to form healthy relationships.

Secure attachment style: Adults who have a secure attachment style tend to have healthy and stable relationships. They are comfortable with intimacy, can communicate their needs, and are able to trust their partners.

Partner 1: “I’m really glad we can talk about our feelings like this. It makes me feel closer to you.”

Partner 2: “Me too. I feel really comfortable being vulnerable with you.”

In this example, both partners feel secure in their attachment style and are able to communicate their emotions openly and honestly.


Of course, these examples are simplified, and attachment styles can be more complex and nuanced than this. But these examples help illustrate how attachment styles formed in early life, and can impact communication and intimacy in adult relationships.

Attachment styles aren’t written in stone. Our inner child beliefs can change and grow based on new healing experiences and self-awareness.

When my clients are triggered, and feeling emotionally challenged, I encourage them to ask themselves, how would you speak to a child? What words would you use to calm them, reassure them, and support them? Now, use those same words to speak to your inner child.

Give your inner child the secure love, they may have been missing so long ago.

We can change the painful past by offering ourselves loving kindness and support in the present.


Steps for Comforting Your Inner Child and Releasing Emotional Pain

Comforting your inner child is a powerful way to address old wounds and heal from the past.


Here are some steps for comforting your inner child when you feel triggered:

Identify the Trigger: The first step is to identify what is triggering you in the present moment. This could be a situation, behavior, or comment from your partner that reminds you of a past trauma or emotional wound. If you find your emotions are bigger than you’d expect, you can trust that the pain is coming from an old wound.

Acknowledge Your Inner Child: Once you’ve identified the trigger, take a moment to acknowledge the emotions and needs of your inner child. This means recognizing that your current emotional response is a result of unhealed wounds from your past.

Practice Self-Compassion: Offer yourself compassion and kindness in the moment. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel triggered and that your emotions are valid. This can help you feel more grounded and present in the moment.

Use Self-Soothing Techniques: Find ways to soothe and comfort yourself in the moment. This could be through deep breathing, visualization, or other mindfulness practices. You might also try journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.

Reconnect with Your Inner Child: Finally, take time to connect with your inner child and offer comfort and reassurance. Imagine yourself as a child and offer words of love and support. You might also visualize your adult holding and comforting your inner child.


Comforting your inner child takes practice and patience. If we hold judgement or blame toward our inner child, it can be hard to face our own lack of self-love and self-worth, but inner child work can be a powerful way to improve our present-day relationship challenges, with ourselves, and our partner.

Ultimately, the decision to engage in inner child work is a personal one. It’s important to approach this work with an open mind and heart, and to be gentle with yourself as you explore your past experiences and emotions.

As a hypnotherapist, I have seen the power of suggestion turn a past negative outcome, into one that is healed and resolved.

Our early experiences do not have to define the rest of our lives and relationships. It’s possible to heal from past trauma and difficulty.

Relationship coaching can help both partners develop emotional resilience, self-awareness and a greater capacity to love and be loved.


Are you ready to take the first step towards reclaiming self-love today?

Schedule a Discovery Call and learn how you can nurture your inner child so you can have more self-compassion and create bliss in your relationship.

You’ll learn some practical tools that will help you get clarity on who you are and what brings you joy.

Experience greater peace, connection, and fulfillment in your relationship – reserve your spot now and join me on a journey of self-discovery!

Act today and discover the power of self-love.

Click here to get started!

Corinne Farago portrait waist up

Stay well and love deeply,


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