Are Sex Toys Bridging the ‘Orgasm Gap’?

An open letter to men who love women

By Corinne Farago

 

If you opened the drawer of 53% of women’s bedside tables, you would find a vibrator or two. We’ve finally reached a tipping point that makes owning a sex toy pretty normal. Thank goodness.

According to data released last year, sex toys are a $15 billion industry, making them more mainstream than ever. Today, women’s pleasure is now a primary focus of the sex toy industry, and vibrators for solo and partner sex is a big part of women’s pleasure.

Sexual accessories like masturbation toys are a shame-free part of a healthy woman’s private sex life.  

Yet, according to studies, many of these women who enjoy their private time with their vibrators are hesitant to invite their toys to the party, when they have sex with their partner.

I coach women of all ages and cultures who have expressed their reluctance to include sex toys in their intimate time with a partner. They either suspect, or have been told that their male partner is worried that a good vibrator will replace them in the bedroom.

I’ve heard this point of view for decades now, and I have to say, it’s getting a little old. So, let’s have an honest and open conversation about what sex toys offer and don’t offer the women who own them.

 

Hello Science

A few years ago, Researcher Laurie Mintz identified heterosexual women as the group least sexually satisfied when it came to sex.

According to recent studies by the Kinsey Institute, 80% of women from ages 18-94 report they cannot reach orgasm by intercourse alone and need some other form of stimulation to achieve orgasm.  Compare this to 94% of men who say they do reach orgasm from intercourse.

This is referred to as the ‘Orgasm Gap’, and when these statistics hit the news, pretty much every media outlet and magazine was talking about it.

The sad fact is that it was only in the last 20 years that the clitoris has been acknowledged for the role it plays in a woman’s orgasmic satisfaction. Little was known about woman’s sexual arousal and her path to orgasm. Dating back to the 15th Century, research on the subject of female sexuality has been ignored, suppressed and dismissed as unworthy of scientific study.

Mintz argues that the primary reason for this form of gender inequality is due to “our cultural ignorance of the clitoris” and that it is commonplace to “mislabel women’s genitals by the one part (the vagina) that gives men, but not women, reliable orgasms.”

Research explains what women have always known, the vaginal canal is designed for insemination and birthing. In and of itself, it’s not where women find their most orgasmic pleasure.

With the advent of MRI technology we understand that the clitoris is an organ that is largely beneath the skin’s surface, and plays a much larger role in a woman’s orgasmic capacity than the vagina.

  • The clitoris has 8,000 sensitive nerve endings, double the amount of a penis.
  • The internal structure of the clitoris has arms that extend down, from the visible nub of the clitoris, wrapping around the vaginal opening.
  • It also reaches back into a woman’s G-Spot area, just inside the vagina.
  • The entire clitoral structure contributes to both external and internal orgasms for women.

 

One of the more interesting acknowledgments from the scientific community is that the clitoris is utterly unique, in that its sole purpose is sexual pleasure. It’s the only human organ dedicated to arousal, and found only on a woman’s body.

Women’s sexual pleasure, and how it actually works, has finally taken it’s rightful place in the world of scientific study, and men are welcome to come along for the ride, if they’re willing to adapt to what we now know, when it comes to enhancing their female partner’s orgasmic experience.

Keep in mind that studies of the female orgasm and clitoral research is still news to most people. It’s all unfolding before our eyes, as science gets its head out of the sand, and finally turns its attention to female sexuality and arousal.

 

Her Favorite Sex Toy is only a click away

As is often the case, profit opportunities are never far behind cultural shifts and trends.  We now have a female-centric industry of sex toys designed to optimize women’s sexual pleasure, many of which are focused on the female orgasm (inside and outside), using the latest vibration technology.

Sex toys play a primary role in the evolution of female sexuality, and in my opinion can be an important part of a couple’s sex life. Therapists of yesteryear didn’t refer to them as ‘marital aids’ for no reason.

One of the corner stones of a great sex life, is communication. Starting to talk about sex toys with your partner opens the door to sharing desires and asking for what you want. The more you can talk about these things together, the more likely your sex life with your partner will be active, honest and enjoyable.

When a couple initiates a conversation about sex toys…

  • They’re making sex and intimacy a natural topic of conversation. Yay!
  • They’re acknowledging that sexual pleasure matters for both partners.
  • They’re agreeing to explore as a team, and open their minds to new ways of giving and receiving pleasure.
  • They’re actively bringing variety and novelty into their sex life.
  • They’re committing to a life of pleasure and play together.

 

And if an initial vibrator turns out to be a gateway to other sex toys, so be it! 

Scroll through an online store to learn about what’s new on the market, or visit one of the many women-friendly sex toy stores, now commonly found in most urban centers. It’s a fun and exciting adventure for a couple. Every year, new designs, new technology, new materials are offering couples new orgasmic experiences.

You know couples are breaking out the toys together just by watching the new designs for couple’s vibrators hitting the market. Vibration, as a pathway to arousal is not going away.

Heterosexual men, please rest assured that you will not be replaced by a vibrator. A vibrator won’t seduce your partner. It can’t whisper in her ear. It doesn’t have a warm body to press up against, or hold in the afterglow.

When it comes to a blood pumping, energy flowing, pheromone charged, human body, nothing beats the real deal!

When you welcome toys into your sex life, you’re supporting your partner’s connection with their own body, and their own orgasmic pleasure. 

Ask your female partner to pull out her favorite toy from her bedside drawer and show you how she likes to use it.  

Learn how to use it on each other. Explore each other’s many erogenous zones. You may discover your own vibrational pleasures. There are many vibrators now designed specifically for the male body.

When you introduce a sex toy of any kind into your intimate life, you’re just welcoming an additional guest to your party to explore and have some fun with.  

I think you’ll soon discover that once you both bring some attention to closing the Orgasm Gap in your relationship (however you do it), your female partner will suddenly become a lot more interested in planning your next party.

And that’s the honest truth.

 

As an online Sex and Relationship Coach I work with women and couples, who want to claim their intimate pleasure and live sexually empowered lives.

If you want to find out more, set up a 15 min. Discovery Call today and get all your questions answered.

Corinne Farago portrait waist up

Stay well and love deeply,

Corinne

Lovesexanddesire.com

 

Be sure to download my list of 186 erotic activities that I outline in my new e-book, Your Erotic Menu.

It may be the single most impactful step you take toward your sexual evolution. (I can confidently say, your dates nights will never be the same!)

(Mail about sex will often get sent to promotions or junk. Move me to your inbox so we can continue to stay in touch regularly. ☺)

 

 

It’s Not You, It’s Me

By |October 15th, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

Most couples who come to me for intimacy and relationship coaching have one thing in common; they want to know how to get their partner to change. They’ve gotten so used to paying attention to their partner’s shortcomings, that they’ve forgotten, or chosen to ignore their own 50% of the relationship equation.

Finding the Gifts in Conflict

By |September 23rd, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

No matter who you are or how happy you are in your relationship you’re going to experience conflict. Experiencing conflict in your relationship is not sign of weakness, nor a lack of wisdom. It’s simply a polarized dialogue between two people holding opposing positions. How we navigate this dialogue is determined by how skillful we are at moving through conflict as a couple.

Putting the Sexy into Consent

By |September 3rd, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

One of my couples came to me feeling the fallout of a non-consensual incident that resulted in one of them feeling angry and the other confused. The man made the mistake of not asking his partner’s consent to try out something new in the bedroom. Rather than talking about it with his partner beforehand, he showed up in the bedroom with handcuffs, and proceeded to lock his partners arms behind her back. There was no conversation about using restraints and no mutual exploration on the subject of bondage beforehand. In effect, consent was not given, and because of that it didn’t go well, at all.

2021-10-20T08:04:23+00:00

Leave A Comment

Go to Top