Online ads, magazine headlines, sex therapy advice, even TV shows all name the same problem. It’s pretty clear that they’re all speaking to an issue that is extremely common in relationships:
When I coach couples who are sexually dissatisfied, I see that they all experience the same pitfalls, the same insecurities, the same fears, and yet they feel alone, and uniquely broken.
I reassure them that they’re not uniquely broken. They’re just ready to learn and grow in their intimate relationship.
The couples who choose to learn and grow together, move on to new phases and chapters in their sexual lives.
The couples who don’t learn and grow, stay stuck, or worse, end up separating, pointing the finger at their partner as the source of the problem.
As a sex and intimacy coach, it’s my observation that there’s a missing piece in most couple’s sex education that all the ads and articles are speaking to. When couples start addressing this missing piece, they begin to lay the foundation for next phases of growth and sexual satisfaction.
Let me share the ‘missing piece’ with you — ‘If you’re in a relationship that has sexual dissatisfaction, you need to come together as a team, start talking about it, and step into taking concrete actions, all of which will transform your sex life.
In other words, you need to step up to the plate and begin.
Begin at the beginning:
Couples need a structure that leads them step-by-step through a process that takes them from feeling stuck and frustrated, to feeling engaged and growing in their sex life. This process is about more than conversation, it takes actions, that create new experiences.
All of this, inspired me to create Your Erotic Menu and The Date Night Masterclass.
This guidebook, and companion course, offer a structure that guides couples in a conversation about sexual styles, desires and fantasies, and then leads them into designing date nights that take them on a deep dive into the 6 sexual styles and their unique energies.
Couples learn about their turn ons, their desires, their partner’s desires, and which sexual energies lead them to the kind of erotic connection they’re longing for.
When a couple has structure in their sexual explorations, they can relax and trust that structure to guide them along, to ask the right questions, to coach them in expressing themselves, and to educate them on a full-spectrum of erotic experiences that can expand their sex life.
In other words, they receive their adult sex education through erotic experiences, rather than sitting in a room with a therapist, looking for insights.
Experience teaches us how to communicate effectively. Experience teaches us about our boundaries and comfort zones, what desire feels like in our bodies, and our partner’s desires and longings.
Stepping into new experiences is where we truly get the adult sex education that make us better lovers.
I love the feedback I’m getting on the Date Night Masterclass. Couples are saying:
They’re excited to plan their weekly date night, now that they have a structure to follow and learn from.
They love taking turns in leading their date nights.
By exploring different styles of eroticism together, they love stepping out of routines that have become too familiar and predictable.
I’m also finding that once couples start exploring variety in their sex lives, they’re discovering new sides of themselves that they want to explore through coaching sessions.
Sex and intimacy coaching is the perfect companion for couples who are exploring the Date Night Masterclass, so they can continue to grow together and deepen their new found enthusiasm. (You can schedule a Discovery Call HERE to learn more).
These offerings are designed to awaken your erotic mind through direct experience, expand your erotic menu, and create erotic date nights that will put a smile on your faces for years go come.
There are only so many hours in the week when I can meet with couples privately. It’s my hope that many, many, couples will use these online, self-directed courses, to take their first steps toward finding the sexual and intimate experiences they’re longing for.
Stay well and love deeply,
(Mail about sex will often get sent to promotions or junk. Move me to your inbox so we can continue to stay in touch regularly. ☺)
Shame doesn’t change behavior or eliminate the desire that is motivating our actions. It drives our desires into secrecy, and secrecy coupled with shame undermines the trust and intimacy of a relationship.
Play is a reset button for our over-stressed, news-saturated, time-pressured adult minds. Most couples I work with will readily admit that play is not something they experience on a regular basis. Life has gotten too busy. There’s barely enough time to be alone to talk, much less play.
I was helping a friend celebrate his birthday this week. The 4 of us who attended this little outdoor soiree were diligently wearing our masks and keeping our distance. When someone held up a camera to take a pic of the birthday boy, I jumped up and, without thinking went over to wrap my arm around him and snuggled up close for the camera. In that split second I completely forgot that touching was a risk to both of us. I lurched back, apologizing profusely for my momentary lapse. “When was the last time someone touched you?” I asked him…
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscious or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or, at worst no longer exist.