Growing Up With Sex

By Corinne Farago

For most of us, sex takes up a huge amount of our brain’s bandwidth throughout our entire lives. (Allow me to generalize a bit here, keeping in mind that sexuality is a unique path for any individual.)

As teenagers, many of us stumble through a decade of infatuations, fantasies, and hormonal-driven preoccupations with bodily pleasure (solo and partnered). We’re assessing our physical attractiveness, and comparing our bodies to other people’s standards. Most of our sexual explorations come in the form of awkward experimentation, infused with self-doubt. We’re both innocently dependent on approval, and stubbornly independent of unsolicited advice.

Our 20s and 30s are spent seeking sexual experience, building confidence, and for a lot of us, hoping for long-term love. Sex may be front and center in our attention. We might dig deeper into our sexuality and open ourselves to new sexual expressions.

In our 20s and 30s we’re peaking energetically, and biologically prepped to procreate. We talk about sex with our friends. We’re attempting to construct an empowered sexual identity. And if sex is important to us, we do our best to insure that it’s a priority in our lives and relationships.

By the time we reach our 40s and 50s, we may be feeling mostly pressured from outside demands. We might feel pre-occupied under the weight of responsibilities.

If we’re partnered, we do our best to insure that sex and pleasure don’t fall off the schedule.

Other priorities may begin eroding our youthful sexual appetite. A midlife crisis, an affair, sexual exploring, can all add fuel or drama to our sexual experience.

What was once our body’s predictable sexual desire, is shifting to something less familiar. If we’re partnered, we try to make sex a priority, but it seems to be another task that’s slotted into one long busy schedule called Life.

Sex in our 60s and beyond contends with physical changes that can take us in one of two directions. Changes in our desire and bodies can either shut sex down, or they invite us into new experiences of an ever-evolving sexuality. The hormonal bodies that so urgently ushered us into puberty now lead us by the hand into our later years. The purpose of sex over 60 has shifted from biologically-driven procreation, to new frontiers of intimacy and physical pleasure.

Every decade serves us up a unique sexual buffet of experience and challenges.

We mature emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually, and if we want sex to remain an integral part of our lives, we make sex part of our conversation, to insure that sex matures right along with us.

Much of that maturity is dependent on our willingness to participate in that evolution, to do the personal work to understand our blocks and resistance. Sexual maturity is accepting change as part of our sexual journey. It’s acknowledging that our sexuality is an ever-shifting landscape.

Our sexual tastes mature, our desires express themselves differently, and our body’s arousal and responses change. Sex isn’t just one thing that starts in our teens and stays the same. Our sexuality is an integral part of us that grows and matures with us throughout our lives

If we resist change, such as levels of sexual desire in a long-term relationship, we’re not examining, what’s possible now.

If we’re pulling away from sex because our abilities to have orgasms or maintain erections, is suddenly unfamiliar to us, then we’re missing the opportunity to learn more about pleasure.

If our changing bodies, and how we feel about them, is causing us self-doubt, then we’ll find excuses to shut sex down.

Where are you in the life cycle of your sexuality?

What phase are you in?

Sit down with your partner and talk about your sexual evolution through the decades. What did sex mean to you as a teen? How did it evolve as you matured into an adult? What was it like when you first met each other, and how did you see it progress. What phase is your sexuality in now as a couple?

By talking about our relationship to our sexuality, we’re opening up and sharing a deeper side of ourselves. There’s no shame in admitting that our sexuality changes, or our bodies feel differently. Stay open and honest, and avoid blame or judgment. Get curious about your partner and what they have to say.

Ask questions that draw them out and help them feel safe enough to stay honest.

When we talk about our sexuality openly, and stay engaged with sex and intimacy, then every decade offers us opportunities to learn more. Every decade is a new sexual frontier with challenges to embrace and lessons to learn.

 

Keeping sex and intimacy alive and fulfilling is a unique journey for each couple. Schedule a Discovery Call with me and discover how coaching will shine the light on the part of your relationship that’s key to your happiness together. Coaching gives you the knowledge, the awareness, and the tools to mature in your love, and in so doing, allows sex and intimacy to mature right along with you.

Corinne Farago portrait waist up

Stay well and love deeply,

Corinne

Lovesexanddesire.com

 

Be sure to download my list of 186 erotic activities that I outline in my new e-book, Your Erotic Menu.

It may be the single most impactful step you take toward your sexual evolution. (I can confidently say, your dates nights will never be the same!)

(Mail about sex will often get sent to promotions or junk. Move me to your inbox so we can continue to stay in touch regularly. ☺)

 

 

Putting the Sexy into Consent

By |September 3rd, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

One of my couples came to me feeling the fallout of a non-consensual incident that resulted in one of them feeling angry and the other confused. The man made the mistake of not asking his partner’s consent to try out something new in the bedroom. Rather than talking about it with his partner beforehand, he showed up in the bedroom with handcuffs, and proceeded to lock his partners arms behind her back. There was no conversation about using restraints and no mutual exploration on the subject of bondage beforehand. In effect, consent was not given, and because of that it didn’t go well, at all.

The Curse of Confirmation Bias

By |August 20th, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

Confirmation bias. We all have it. We experience it every day in the news, in our politics, in our workplace, and most directly in our relationships, where partners can suffer the consequences of confirmation bias on a daily basis. When it comes to our relationship it makes sense then that our brains are far more skilled at noticing what’s wrong with our partner, than what’s right.

Ethical Porn

By |August 13th, 2021|Categories: Articles, Coaching|

Watching other people have sex is tucked deep into our DNA. We’re drawn to it out of curiosity, the thrill of voyeurism, the excitement of arousal, and the all time big driver in our human bodies, the desire to procreate. Watching others have sex signals our desire to have sex ourselves, since time immemorial. As a sex and relationship coach, I see how porn tends to pit partners against each other and leads a couple down the road of sexual shame, secrecy and mistrust. It doesn’t have to be this way.

2021-03-26T21:11:57+00:00

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