Physical connection and intimate satisfaction are important components in building intimacy in an emotionally connected relationship. There are many reasons why a relationship may turn into a “no sex marriage.”
What does the term “sexless marriage” refer to?
A sexless marriage is one in which intimate partners are engaging in sex once a month or less. Causes range from health concerns to communication issues. In this article you will learn the most common causes and how to get beyond coping with a sexless marriage.
There is no right number that defines a healthy sex life, and surely not everyone benefits from more sex, but good sexual health in a relationship demonstrates true intimacy and helps to build the self esteem of each of the partners.
What causes sexless relationships?
Many married couples suffer from a low level of intimate activity. Sometimes it happens slowly as a relationship becomes more complex. There may be new challenges that appear such as stress at work, or financial stresses. Over time these stressors build until you find yourself in a sexless marriage.
Depression or anxiety can lead to feeling disconnected, emotionally and physically, and cause a loss of libido in some people. Alternatively, your sex drive may not match up or you you may feel disconnected because of having less sex. In addition, many couples see a decline in their physical and emotional intimacy when children come into the picture.
Exploring other forms of intimacy
Different partners may desire varying degrees of physical intimacy. Exploring other forms of intimacy and physicality can help to spark intimate sexual encounters. Some other types of physical intimacy you may want to explore, include – hugging and kissing, or holding hands on a walk together.
Emotional intimacy can be achieved through non-intimate activities like scheduling a regular date night. These activities can lead to getting to know one another better, acknowledging each other’s worth and supporting one another. Those who are focused on nurturing physical intimacy and emotional intimacy have more opportunities for their relationships to develop.
Causes of a Sexless Relationship
There can be many reasons for a sexless marriage. Here are a few causes that might be effecting your marriage:
1 – Mismatched Libidos
Differences in desire can lead to a sexless marriage. A person wanting something more feels rejected, not liked, and may even lose their initiative. These emotions cause separation between couples, which causes deeper intimacy problems.
2 – Transitions in life
Our lives face numerous challenges, and they affect health and happiness and can lead to a sexless relationship. During times of transition, libido can decrease as we focus more on overcoming a difficult circumstance or maintaining a balanced life. Life transitions include
3 – Medication side effects
Medications are often needed for a medical condition and many medications affect hormones which can negatively affect desire and lead to sexual dysfunction
4 – Mental health issues
Recent articles show that psychological problems are linked with reduced desire. These specific problems may lead to a decrease in desire, reducing their ability to engage.
5 – Hormone changes
Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone can affect sexual activity. If you have hormone imbalance it can cause a loss of connection and possibly result in a sexless marriage.
6 – Childbirth
Childbirth is one of the many factors that can lead to a loss of libido for women. Having a child can lead to everyday health challenges as well as a decrease in intimate encounters due to the energy and time that is devoted to the newborn.
7 – Health issues
There are many physical and psychological conditions that contribute to the libido and the ability to be physical intimate. These physical and psychological problems can be a major factor resulting in a sexless marriage. Health issues like these are common, and should be discussed with your physician if you are having trouble.
8 – Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction is a serious problem for many men as they grow older. There are many causes that contribute to this challenge, and it is best to speak with your physician about the best way to handle it for you.
9 – Stress
The effects of stress can be terribly damaging to your desire for sex. The stress hormone cortisol is known for reducing libido. Stress can also lower libido and affect the psychological effects it causes.
10 – History of abuse
Past sexual abuse may affect relationships forever. Emotional reactions including fear and shame, post-traumatic stress and dispersed perception, and dispersed repression can have an impact on sexual behavior. It is best to seek the help of a certified sex therapist if there is a history of abuse having an impact on your mental health and/or causing intimacy issues.
11 – Low Sex Drive
Sometimes called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), low desire is a problem both men and women can face. If you think you have HSDD be sure to speak with your doctor about how to treat it.
How to address the issue?
Fixing a sexless marriage starts by rebuilding your romantic relationship so you can promote physical intimacy in your time together. Here are some suggestions for improving your intimate relationships that will help to promote intimacy and have better sex:
1 -Realign your polarity
A thriving marriage requires polarity, which can also be seen as a balance of feminine and masculine energies. Unlike positive and negative charged magnets, these two opposing energies form a polarity in relation when combined. No matter which gender, a relationship has to be filled with masculine energy and feminine energy to be successful in all aspects.
2 – Date each other
Make plans for regular date nights. Explore ways to connect one-on-one with each other. Maybe dinner and a movie, or a sunset walk on the beach. Rediscover the joy of each other’s company.
3 – Communicate with each other
Talk to your partner about your intimacy issues. The situation is probably tough, and the communication is necessary. If you are having problems communicating, consider first consulting with a relationship coach or therapist to learn what is the best way to handle this situation.
4 – Build intimacy
Beyond sex there is an opportunity to explore new avenues to improve intimacy in your marriage, which is often lost in sexless relationships. Intimacy involves more than just a few physical things. Take care of restoring your love and creating a special energy of more intimacy.
When should I seek professional help?
If you are a person who is having a difficult time repairing your sexless marriage, a sex and relationship coach or a sex therapist can help you rekindle your emotional connection and help you work through any issues. Repairing a sexless marriage can be very challenging to negotiate on your own. If you are dealing with poor communication patterns, health concerns, feelings of disconnection and you want to bring pleasure back to your relationship seeking the help of a relationship coach or sex therapist is often the best option.
Health Benefits of Intimacy: Less Stress, Better Sex
Intimacy sex between romantic partners is a great way to reduce stress for men and women. Talk about your desires and how a health sex life can improve your marriage. It is possible to repair your sexless marriage by communicating with your partner about your marriage and how to improve it.
1 – Health Benefits of Sexual Intimacy
In addition to increasing oxytocin, intimate activity is linked to increased levels of dopamine. These “feel good” hormones are great for improving mood. In addition the release of stress is also good for the immune system and overall health.
2 – Intimacy helps you reduce stress and stay healthy
Chronic stress may cause numerous health problems including headache, muscle pain, hypertension, pulmonary embolism, irritable bowel disease, and diabetes. When you’re constantly fighting for survival you use up much of the vital nutrition needed to stay healthy.
3 – Intimacy Fuels a Better Sex Life
While intimacy is not required for good sex, it can often lead to an improved sexual lifestyle. Your sexual activity improves because you’re open to hearing and caring for your partner’s needs. This trust gives both sides an opportunity for growth and to try things you think would increase a closer bond.
4 – Intimacy counters loneliness and reduces mortality risk
A new report correlated social loneliness to higher mortality and higher morbidity. Other research conducted at the University of Chicago and presented to the Society of Personality Psychological Science Compass in February 2014 showed loneliness could affect executive functioning. Intimate connection with your partner is an essential component of a healthy marriage with your partner.
In closing, you can see that there is hope if you find yourself in a sexless marriage. While it can feel like a big deal research shows that sexless marriages can be saved and overcoming sexual issues is healthier both emotionally and physically.
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are both essential to repairing sexless marriages. Whether your marriage has been suffering this for awhile or it is a new circumstance, talk with your partner and see how you can repair your marriage.
Shame doesn’t change behavior or eliminate the desire that is motivating our actions. It drives our desires into secrecy, and secrecy coupled with shame undermines the trust and intimacy of a relationship.
Play is a reset button for our over-stressed, news-saturated, time-pressured adult minds. Most couples I work with will readily admit that play is not something they experience on a regular basis. Life has gotten too busy. There’s barely enough time to be alone to talk, much less play.
I was helping a friend celebrate his birthday this week. The 4 of us who attended this little outdoor soiree were diligently wearing our masks and keeping our distance. When someone held up a camera to take a pic of the birthday boy, I jumped up and, without thinking went over to wrap my arm around him and snuggled up close for the camera. In that split second I completely forgot that touching was a risk to both of us. I lurched back, apologizing profusely for my momentary lapse. “When was the last time someone touched you?” I asked him…
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscious or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or, at worst no longer exist.