Sexuality is so much more than what most of us have been taught, or grown up to expect. It’s not done in one way. It’s not gender specific or age restricted. It’s not about performance. It doesn’t even have to include another person. Sexuality comes in a rainbow of energies and frequencies.
Sex can invite us to be light and playful, and it can be intense and psychological.
Sex can open our hearts to romance, or unite us in spirit. Sex can heal us of our pain, and introduce us to new-found pleasures. Sex can lead us into the deeper and more shadowy feelings that lie under the surface, waiting to be revealed.
Sexual energy is the human birth-right that we all have in common. How we express our sexual energy and experience it, is our choice based on who we are erotically, our life experiences, and our own sexual self-awareness.
Learning about the full-spectrum of sexual expressions informs that awareness, which is why I created Your Erotic Menu.
When I assembled a checklist of 186 erotic activities, it made the most sense to group them into 6 erotic styles to help clients understand the full-spectrum of experiences available to explore. Which are Sensual, Romantic, Tantric, Passionate, Fetish and Kinky.
When I ask clients to check off activities that appeal to them, Most will lean toward the energy that is most familiar to them. But often what is most familiar is not where transformation lies.
We’re all capable of stepping into multiple sides of our erotic selves.I believe all 6 erotic energies live within every one of us.
Some energies we’re familiar with, and others rarely see the light of day.
Shining some light on our unexplored erotic energies opens doors to new awareness within ourselves, as well as new dynamics with our partner.
My job/passion/calling, as a sex and relationship coach, is to re-educate clients and expand their experience of sex.
Sexual satisfaction is what everyone strives for, but few find, without reexamining their sexuality, and embarking on explorations that lie outside of their current sexual experiences.
Our biggest obstacle to sexual fulfillment is our self-imposed limits that keep us inside of our familiar boxes. Outside of our box lie curiosity, open-mindedness and new sides of our erotic selves.
What does sexual satisfaction mean to you? Here are some of the pre-requisites that most of my clients would agree constitutes a fulfilling sex life in a relationship:
Passion and erotic excitement
Intimacy and connection
Authentic sexual expression
Novelty, variety and curiosity
Emotional safety and integrity
Each of these sexual attributes can be found in all 6 sexual styles.
We are all multi-dimensional in our sexuality. When both partners begin to explore their erotic minds, their fantasies, their curiosities, they come to see themselves, and each other in a new light.
If you’ve been a sensualist all your life, consider exploring different erotic energies like passion or kink. If sex has always been a high energy, lustful event, romance or Tantra may make you a more versatile lover to your partner.
When partners give themselves and each other permission to explore, they open themselves to new discoveries that often heighten their sexual polarity and transform their sexual experience as a couple.
When a couple says, YES to exploring, they’re saying…
YES to revealing more of their erotic selves,
YES to being a beginner again and learning new things together.
YES to their commitment to the relationship
YES to getting playful and curious together.
Most importantly, they’re saying
YES to discovering what’s authentic in their sexual expression, and YES to asking for what they want from their partner to support that expression.
Sex is probably one of the hardest things to talk about with a partner. It’s easy to take things personally because sex is deeply personal. Confessing our desires and asking for what we want takes courage and trust that your partner is going to hold your feelings with care. If sex is difficult for you to talk about the best thing to do is to start talking, but do it in a way that keeps you both feeling heard and understood.
“This is not what I signed up for, when we got together five years ago.” These words from a past client, ring in my head now and then, when I think about couples who are dissatisfied with their sex lives. You can feel in this sentiment, the utter frustration he felt when it came to his unmet expectations. Over those five years, something changed, or more than likely, was ignored in the excitement of a new relationship.
Most of the clients I see in my coaching practice share a common dilemma… They’re lacking sexual self-confidence. Life and circumstances have taken a toll on their confidence in themselves as lovers, and without that foundation of security, taking steps toward a better sex life, seems daunting and doubtful.
Shame doesn’t change behavior or eliminate the desire that is motivating our actions. It drives our desires into secrecy, and secrecy coupled with shame undermines the trust and intimacy of a relationship.