The last couple of years have brought more millennials to my virtual office than any other time in my coaching career.
A few months ago a couple in their late 20s came to see me. They were recently married and received relationship and intimacy coaching with me as a wedding gift.
They showed up excited to learn how to create a strong partnership and learn the skills that were neither taught to them in school or learned in their past relationships.
Today they sit down together on a twice a month Zoom call with me to express their feelings, work through conflicts, or just focus on their common goal of creating a fun and fulfilling sex life.
The components and skills needed for a happy intimate relationship like: communications, intimacy, vulnerability, eroticism, sexual confidence, don’t just fall into place once we find our person.
Finding our person is actually when the real learning begins.
Relationship coaching teaches couples how to express their needs and set positive habits that support listening and understanding, and intimacy coaching teaches them what it takes to keep sex a vital part of their life together.
Out With The Old
What I’ve noticed is that millennials have outgrown the notion that therapy is somehow shameful, or a secret not to be shared. It’s more likely that they will have sought out a therapist who helped guide them through challenging times.
So, the notion of entering into a relationship coaching process is less foreign to them than it would have been for their parents, and certainly their grandparents.
Most of these young couples show up with the awareness that coaching is not just for the broken relationships that are in their ‘last resort’ phase, but rather millennials see coaching as a tool to help create happy and fulfilling intimate relationships.
They come into relationship coaching already acknowledging that successful relationships don’t just happen, they are intentionally created.
In a report released by the American Psychiatric Association in October 2019, 37% of Gen Z were more likely to have gone to therapy, compared to millennials at 35%, Gen X’ers at 26%, Baby Boomers at 22%, and the Silent Generation 15%.
The Strong and Silent Approach
My parents were of the Silent Generation. World wars, global economical collapse, scarcity, and survival formed their philosophical perspectives early in life. “Get over it, and get on with it” was the therapeutic advice for 85% of their generation.
When my brother died as a teenager, therapy was not an obvious route. I relied mostly on my middle-school councilor to work through my feelings about death and loss. A decade later when I first went to therapy after a relationship breakup, it felt like I was sharing a shameful secret when I finally told my family.
Now four decades later, the stigma around seeking therapy has slowly evolved to where today, many people now see coaching/therapy as a tool toward mental fitness, and even equate its importance to physical fitness.
Building an Unsinkable Relationship
I applaud those who are courageous enough to invest their attention and efforts into making their relationship strong and secure.
Core relationship skills, or in other words, our capacity for compassion and empathy, our ability to communicate effectively and to love and be loved, are the skills that keep us afloat in stormy seas.
What I want for every new young couple to understand is that relationship skills are learnable, and that learning to become a good partner is an ever-evolving, life long education that should begin early in their relationship.
If you are, or you know of, a young couple that have just started their life together, relationship coaching can help them build a solid and secure vessel for their life-long journey of love and intimacy.
I work via Zoom with clients from around the world. There is nothing stopping you from getting the highest quality coaching available, from wherever you happen to live.
I am excited to invite you as we ‘stand with’ men, offering secrets and intimacy advice for your advancement in today’s world of sensual delight. Relax in your chosen space for a dedicated on-line program supporting Men’s journey through intimacy — conversation through penetration, AND THEN SOME.
This NO COST series starts on February 2, 2022. A day considered to be especially lucky for those wishing to break into something new with your lover(s)!
You can register for ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy IV, Lets Talk About Sex! The Holy Grail of Intimacy ’ using the following link HERE:
My female cousin was a primary contributor to my early sex education, when I needed it most. For instance she clarified that I couldn’t get pregnant by dancing with a boy, no matter how close we got. She also confirmed that I wasn’t the only person who touched themselves (down there), and most importantly, she showed me that ‘wellness massagers from Sears were used for things other than sore necks and shoulders. A few years later my boyfriend introduced me to the real deal. A vibrator made specifically for genital arousal. It was a cream colored, hard plastic, shapeless cylinder with a twisting on/off switch at the end.
This week a client told me she was doing a Marie Kondo on her closet. She was getting rid of what no longer gave her joy.
We went on to talk about her sex life with her partner and the nagging resistance she has to being touched.
Somewhere along the line she formed a belief system about touch. She couldn’t identify a particular incident that informed that belief system. There was no trauma or abuse. She just knew that when she was touched (even by her loving partner) her body would recoil and she’d shut down.
There’s no getting away from the fact that couples in long-term relationships impact each other profoundly, in small and large ways. If you’re a couple who live together there are moments throughout each day that bring you together to discuss something, to work on a task, to accomplish an errand, to share a story, or listen to one. Partners flow in and around each other with such symbiosis, that we can sometimes feel like we’re one mechanism with a shared mind.
Even in the midst of this unprecedented time, the holiday season is once again upon us. If you’re fortunate enough to have one or more loved ones around you, you’re probably giving and receiving a gift or two. I’d like to share a few thoughts I have on gifting.