The last couple of years have brought more millennials to my virtual office than any other time in my coaching career.
A few months ago a couple in their late 20s came to see me. They were recently married and received relationship and intimacy coaching with me as a wedding gift.
They showed up excited to learn how to create a strong partnership and learn the skills that were neither taught to them in school or learned in their past relationships.
Today they sit down together on a twice a month Zoom call with me to express their feelings, work through conflicts, or just focus on their common goal of creating a fun and fulfilling sex life.
The components and skills needed for a happy intimate relationship like: communications, intimacy, vulnerability, eroticism, sexual confidence, don’t just fall into place once we find our person.
Finding our person is actually when the real learning begins.
Relationship coaching teaches couples how to express their needs and set positive habits that support listening and understanding, and intimacy coaching teaches them what it takes to keep sex a vital part of their life together.
Out With The Old
What I’ve noticed is that millennials have outgrown the notion that therapy is somehow shameful, or a secret not to be shared. It’s more likely that they will have sought out a therapist who helped guide them through challenging times.
So, the notion of entering into a relationship coaching process is less foreign to them than it would have been for their parents, and certainly their grandparents.
Most of these young couples show up with the awareness that coaching is not just for the broken relationships that are in their ‘last resort’ phase, but rather millennials see coaching as a tool to help create happy and fulfilling intimate relationships.
They come into relationship coaching already acknowledging that successful relationships don’t just happen, they are intentionally created.
In a report released by the American Psychiatric Association in October 2019, 37% of Gen Z were more likely to have gone to therapy, compared to millennials at 35%, Gen X’ers at 26%, Baby Boomers at 22%, and the Silent Generation 15%.
The Strong and Silent Approach
My parents were of the Silent Generation. World wars, global economical collapse, scarcity, and survival formed their philosophical perspectives early in life. “Get over it, and get on with it” was the therapeutic advice for 85% of their generation.
When my brother died as a teenager, therapy was not an obvious route. I relied mostly on my middle-school councilor to work through my feelings about death and loss. A decade later when I first went to therapy after a relationship breakup, it felt like I was sharing a shameful secret when I finally told my family.
Now four decades later, the stigma around seeking therapy has slowly evolved to where today, many people now see coaching/therapy as a tool toward mental fitness, and even equate its importance to physical fitness.
Building an Unsinkable Relationship
I applaud those who are courageous enough to invest their attention and efforts into making their relationship strong and secure.
Core relationship skills, or in other words, our capacity for compassion and empathy, our ability to communicate effectively and to love and be loved, are the skills that keep us afloat in stormy seas.
What I want for every new young couple to understand is that relationship skills are learnable, and that learning to become a good partner is an ever-evolving, life long education that should begin early in their relationship.
If you are, or you know of, a young couple that have just started their life together, relationship coaching can help them build a solid and secure vessel for their life-long journey of love and intimacy.
I work via Zoom with clients from around the world. There is nothing stopping you from getting the highest quality coaching available, from wherever you happen to live.
I am excited to invite you as we ‘stand with’ men, offering secrets and intimacy advice for your advancement in today’s world of sensual delight. Relax in your chosen space for a dedicated on-line program supporting Men’s journey through intimacy — conversation through penetration, AND THEN SOME.
This NO COST series starts on February 2, 2022. A day considered to be especially lucky for those wishing to break into something new with your lover(s)!
You can register for ‘A Man’s Guide To Intimacy IV, Lets Talk About Sex! The Holy Grail of Intimacy ’ using the following link HERE:
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscious or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or, at worst no longer exist.
Sexual Trauma and PTSD keep painful memories from our past alive and present in our day to day lives. Hypnotherapy uses the power of your own mind to unlock the hold these memories have on you, by helping your brain process them in a gentle and effective way. If you suffer from trauma, you’re well aware that some memories trigger feelings of present-time fear, keeping you anxious, and on high alert, even though consciously you know you’re no longer in danger. If some of those memories have created Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that means your brain is ‘matching’ those past memories to present day experiences, or what is referred to as ‘pattern matching’ in Hypnotherapy.
When two people get together to form a relationship, there are two sets of wounds merging and intertwining, our partner’s and our own. We know when our old wounds are being dragged into a conflict because our pain and defensiveness will suddenly spike. If our partner is speaking the same words as our inner abuser, the armor will go up, and disagreements will escalate into shouting, tearful battles.
When I hear a woman make such a resounding statement as ‘I’m done with sex’, I imagine a long road of frustration, obligation, unmet desires and unspoken words, leading up to that absolute declaration. Sex is not about obligation, although women have been told it was their obligation for eons of time. Relatively speaking, it wasn’t all that long ago that women were considered the property of a man, and their role in life was having a family and pleasing her husband. (and in many parts of the world still are).