What Peeking Through the Bedroom Keyhole Can Teach You
By Corinne Farago
Ever wonder what happens in someone else’s bedroom? We all do, right?
Consider this your digital keyhole into the bedroom of Bob and Carol, one of my coaching couples, and how they applied some of the coaching tips they’ve gotten from me over the past few weeks.
Then I’ll break down all 8 coaching tips they used on their date night, so you can learn from them as well.
Now let’s take a look through that keyhole:
Bob and Carol decided to take my advice and plan when they were going to have some intimate time. They decided on a midweek evening, after the kids were settled down and the house was quiet. Bob told Carol that there were some rules to their engagement that evening.
They were to both dress to look attractive to each other. He asked Carol to put on something sexy and see-through so he could appreciate her body.
Bob asked that once they cross the threshold of their bedroom that evening, all casual conversation about work, news, kids, money, etc was not allowed. Their conversation was to be about their relationship, their shared plans, their sexual turn ons, present-time feelings, or in other words subjects that created connection and intimacy.
Bob brought his computer into the bedroom so they could look at some sex toys and each of them could purchase something they’d like to introduce into their sexual play together.
Bob took the initiative to dim the lighting, put on some music, and make a favorite drink for both of them.
Bob told Carol that there were no expectations other then talking and sharing some intimate time. They could become sexual or not depending on their moods.
When things ended up progressing over to the bed, Bob’s earlier issues with ED were gone. Bob suggested some explorations with impact play, which they’ve never tried before but were curious about.
The next day we all got on the phone to talk about their experience and I praised them for all the small changes they made to make their time together not just good, but awesome!
Let’s look at the 8 reasons why Bob and Carol had a great date night.
Bob and Carol both agreed to schedule a day when they could share some intimate time together. Planning sex sets you up for a good experience. They were both prepared, showered, shaved. They had some time to anticipate their upcoming date.
Bob had a sense of how he wanted their time together to go, so he and Carol both agreed that he’d be in charge of leading the evening. With Bob taking charge, Carol could relax and follow his lead. This created the kind of sexual polarity that helped fuel their attraction and desire.
Bob gave Carol a clear and simple request to wear something specific that he liked to see her in, which gave Carol a tangible action to perform. She also appreciated knowing that Bob wanted to enjoy seeing her body in something sexy. His request helped her feel attractive and desired.
Bob stated his boundaries by requesting that their conversation be restricted to subjects that fostered intimacy between them. All other subjects of conversation were left outside of the bedroom for that night.
Bob brought his computer into the bedroom for the sole purpose of looking at some sex toy stores to help them both connect to and share their desires. He also gifted Carol with any toy she wanted to purchase, which made her feel cared for.
Being the one who chose to lead, Bob took responsibility for creating a sensual space before Carol arrived. He changed the light bulb to a red one, he found some music he knew she’d like to set the mood, and had their drinks ready when she entered the bedroom.
He also led her over to the couch rather than the bed so they could spend some time talking and sharing. Bob didn’t have any issues with ED that night, which he’d been experiencing now that he’s in his 50s. He realized that taking the time to share and connect before sex was exactly what his body needed to get turned on and become aroused.
They both agreed that there was no expectation about whether sex would happen or not, so neither of them felt pressured to please or perform if the mood wasn’t there. They wanted their actions to follow their desires in the moment, rather than have expectations or assumptions that sex would happen.As it turned out, they both did get turned on, and as things started to escalate, Bob suggested they try something new to see if they both liked it. He asked Carol if she’d be interested in introducing some sensation play with a flogger. This created some novelty into their sexual play and allowed them to see new sides of each other that were more playful and experimental. It also underscored the sexual polarity they were already feeling through Bob’s directive leadership, and Carol’s state of surrender and willingness to be led.
BONUS TIP: The next day the three of us met on Zoom to talk about how well their date night went and why.
We talked about what worked and why it worked for them. They learned what each other’s favorite moments were and what they might want more of next time. They also enjoyed reliving and sharing their evening with me, because talking about sex can be fun, liberating and confidence building.
I praised them for the choices they made to create a date night that was a great success on all 8 counts.
When I watch my coaching couples move from disconnection and frustration to becoming reengaged and turned on, I see how everything they were looking for was already within them.
They just needed a sex and intimacy coach to guide them on that journey and find their way back to Love Sex and Desire.
Stay well and love deeply,
Relationship and Sexual Empowerment Coaching…
is for the curious at heart, the sexual adventurers, and the lovers who long for more.
I work with clients online or by phone from all over the world.
Give me a call and we’ll speak for 15 mins to discuss the details of working together so you can find the love, sex and desire you long for:
You may not identify with having sexual shame. You may be quite liberal when it comes to the sex you see on screen and in advertising. You may support honest and truthful sex education, and have a tolerant, accepting attitude toward less conventional sexual expressions. The shame I’m talking about is found less in spoken opinions and more in unspoken feelings and beliefs. Not wanting to talk about sex in our relationships is how we carry forth our ancestor’s sexual doctrine, and I see it in many of my clients.
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