Do Your Current Beliefs Reflect Who You Are Today?

If not, maybe it’s time to “Marie Kondo” your sexual beliefs

By Corinne Farago

This week a client told me she was doing a Marie Kondo on her closet. She was getting rid of what no longer gave her joy.

We went on to talk about her sex life with her partner and the nagging resistance she has to being touched.

Somewhere along the line she formed a belief system about touch. She couldn’t identify a particular incident that informed that belief system. There was no trauma or abuse. She just knew that when she was touched (even by her loving partner) her body would recoil and she’d shut down.

This didn’t stop her from having a sex life, but it did prevent her from looking forward to sex and enjoying it. After a few coaching sessions, she was ready to see her touch aversion for what it is, a belief system that no longer serves her.

I suggested she view her beliefs much like the old sweaters she was throwing out, and do a Maria Kondo on her sexual beliefs.

She could hold them up and ask the question. Do these belief systems give me joy?

This isn’t as easy as throwing out an old sweater, but it poses the same simple question:

What do I believe and are those beliefs serving my happiness?

 

It was pretty clear to her that what she (and her body) believed that receiving touch was not joyful. She was finally ready to pack them up and let them go, and do the work of replacing them with beliefs that serve her today.

I reminded her of Marie’s very important step before letting something go…

That is to first thank it for its place in your life and the purpose it served at one time.

When we form beliefs about sex we’re usually pretty young. Our early life experiences often imprint themselves strongly in our brain. Everything is new, we’re inexperienced and easily influenced in our attitudes.

We form judgments and develop fears that can stay with us for a lifetime, unless we hold them up to the light of scrutiny and ask ourselves Marie’s question:

“Does this belief system give me joy?”

 

When it’s time to let go of limiting sexual beliefs and replace them with new sex-positive beliefs that expand our ability to love and be loved, we can thank what no longer serves us.

Even our most troubling and constricting beliefs today may have protected us from hurt in the past. Our judgments and fears may have kept us safe at one point in time.

If your old sexual beliefs no longer reflect who you are today; if they’re protecting you from something that is no longer a threat, then you have the choice to replace old beliefs with new ones.

So rather than shoving your antiquated beliefs in a box of shame and regret, you can hold them up to the light and give them one last look over.

You can acknowledge that even though they had their time and place, you’re ready to replace them with something new and fresh.

What are your antiquated sexual beliefs?

Is it time to open the closet door and let your inner Marie Kondo out?

 

Corinne Farago portrait waist up

Stay well and love deeply,

Corinne

Lovesexanddesire.com

Good Vibes

By |January 16th, 2023|Categories: Articles, Coaching|Tags: |

My female cousin was a primary contributor to my early sex education, when I needed it most. For instance she clarified that I couldn’t get pregnant by dancing with a boy, no matter how close we got. She also confirmed that I wasn’t the only person who touched themselves (down there), and most importantly, she showed me that ‘wellness massagers from Sears were used for things other than sore necks and shoulders. A few years later my boyfriend introduced me to the real deal. A vibrator made specifically for genital arousal. It was a cream colored, hard plastic, shapeless cylinder with a twisting on/off switch at the end.

How to Marie Kondo Your Sexual Beliefs

By |January 11th, 2023|Categories: Articles, Coaching|Tags: |

This week a client told me she was doing a Marie Kondo on her closet. She was getting rid of what no longer gave her joy. We went on to talk about her sex life with her partner and the nagging resistance she has to being touched. Somewhere along the line she formed a belief system about touch. She couldn’t identify a particular incident that informed that belief system. There was no trauma or abuse. She just knew that when she was touched (even by her loving partner) her body would recoil and she’d shut down.

The Cold, Hard Truth About Long-Term Relationships

By |December 29th, 2022|Categories: Articles, Coaching|Tags: |

There’s no getting away from the fact that couples in long-term relationships impact each other profoundly, in small and large ways. If you’re a couple who live together there are moments throughout each day that bring you together to discuss something, to work on a task, to accomplish an errand, to share a story, or listen to one. Partners flow in and around each other with such symbiosis, that we can sometimes feel like we’re one mechanism with a shared mind.

2023-01-12T14:48:29-08:00
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