7 Most Commonly Asked Questions about Sex Coaching
7 Most Commonly Asked Questions about Sex Coaching
By Corinne Farago
It’s pretty easy these days to find out what’s going on in people’s minds when it comes to sex coaching. Type it into a search engine and voila, you get back 7 questions about sex coaching, most commonly asked on the internet.
I decided to answer those 7 questions here, because my bet is that you might have some of these questions yourself.
1 – When it comes to sex, am I normal?
When it comes to sex, the words ‘normal’ and ‘shame’ often go hand-in-hand. We’re all insecure about whether we’re sexually normal or not, from the looks of our genitals, to how we orgasm, how often we have sex, or what our sexual preferences are.
When it comes to sex, there is no ‘normal.’ People have a wide range of experiences, preferences, frequency, desires. No matter what you are into or how sex works for you, there are a lot of people just like you. What is atypical for one person or couple might be totally ‘normal’ or routine for someone else.
The question about ‘normal’ often comes with buried shame. When I hear this question I make sure to address the shame first, and give my clients a new perspective that is sex-positive and shame-free.
When I have a chance to tell a client that there are many people just like them, I love seeing the look of relief of their faces.
Sex is a subject we don’t readily discuss with anyone, so how are we to know what’s normal? Porn certainly won’t be an accurate educator, and friends or family may be speaking from their own limited perspectives and experience.
If you’re destination is great sex, shame-free self-acceptance is the road that’s going to get you there.
2 – How Do I Make My Partner Orgasm?
You don’t! No one makes someone orgasm. The responsibility of having an orgasm falls solely on the person having one. It’s their body and their pleasure.
You can help to support your partner in having an orgasm. You can learn how your partner’s body works, what arouses them, and turns them on.
You can help them feel safe and relaxed enough with you to let go and enjoy their own pleasure. You can bring a confident, sex positive, and patient presence to the moment and ask if there’s anything they would like you to do to help them reach orgasm.
If you want to do this, start by having an open and honest conversation about what they find pleasurable, what turns them on and what turns them off. They will give you a roadmap you can follow to help them get there. If they don’t know their roadmap, coaching will help them create one. (You can start by downloading my e-book, Your Erotic Menu and use it to guide this conversation and explore new activities).
3 – Why Doesn’t My Wife/Husband (partner) Want to Have Sex Anymore?
Getting to be bottom of this issue starts with open and honest communication. If you don’t know why your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, then a loving conversation without blame or shame is your first step.
But, here’s the bottom line, we all go to sex with the hope of feeling something emotionally or physically that makes having sex worthwhile.
Here are just a few things to investigate together:
Medical reasons that might be interfering with arousal
Hormonal reasons that might be impacting desire.
Emotional distance and lack of communication in a partnership is a buzz killer.
Performance anxiety shuts our bodies down, and puts us into fight, flight or freeze.
Orgasm ease and frequency can play a part sexual enthusiasm.
And finally, If our lover doesn’t know how to please us, why would we be a yes to sex?
If your partner isn’t having a lot of desire for sex, then they’re probably not getting their needs and desires met in one or more of these areas. Makes sense, right?
4 – How Do We Keep Our Sex Life Alive?
Once again, honest and vulnerable communication is the doorway that will open you to a new world of possibilities. Find a coach who will help keep your conversation constructive and emotionally connected. I teach clients what to keep in mind when talking to your partner about sex. It begins with a conversation about starting to learn and grow again.
The best way to keep your sex life alive is to bring as much attention to your sex life as you would your career, your kids, sport practices, your favorite hobby.
We know how to keep other parts of our lives fresh and alive. Sex and intimacy needs the same attention. We’re always changing. Our sexuality changes as well. It’s never too late to go back to adult sex education.
I teach clients about
How arousal works in our bodies and why people are different when it comes to desire
Sexual polarity, what it is and why it’s important for a great sex life
Archetypes and the roles they can consciously or unconsciously play in our sexuality to enhance our erotic experience
Our unique sexual styles, and how to celebrate who we inherently are
5 – Why do I lose my erections?
If you want to be the master of your erections, start by getting to know your body better. Check in with your Doctor to insure there aren’t any medical issues that might be causing erection issues. Eat foods that support good health. Sleep well, drink less, and know that you’re ‘normal.’
18 million men in the U.S. are dealing with erection issues. Our genitals aren’t like cars, where you just turn the key and expect it to turn on.
Our genital’s readiness to perform are dependent on the conditions you need for arousal to be present. What those conditions are can vary from person to person.
I help clients discover what it is that puts fuel in their tank and blood in their genitals. Maybe it’s turning off your mind and turning down your anxiety. Perhaps it’s the set and setting that needs attention. Does your relationship support intimacy? There are many issues that can contribute to erection loss.
Our bodies are always talking to us. If your genitals aren’t online for sex, it’s time to listen to what they’re telling you and explore solutions.
6 – Can I Learn To Orgasm?
Yes, you can learn to orgasm. We all grew up hearing about orgasms, knowing a lot of people have them, and expecting we’d get to have them too. But if the experience of an orgasm has eluded you, who do you have to talk to about it, and how do you learn to have one?
I teach women how to have orgasms through education and at-home practices that help to wire their bodies for pleasure. Every woman’s body is built to experience orgasms. But learning to have an orgasm is just the beginning, when it comes to orgasmic pleasure.
We know so much more about female orgasms than we ever have. Orgasmic states can be cultivated. Extended orgasms and multiple orgasms can take us into deeper states of pleasure than what most people are aware of. Orgasmic pleasure isn’t just something we experience for 15 seconds in the bedroom.
Orgasmic pleasure is a state of being that infuses your life on every level.
7 – Can Sex and Relationship Coaching Help?
You already know my answer to this question. Yes!
I don’t consider my couples broken when they come to see me. I see them as smart, diligent, and proactive people who understand that good relationships are created with intention and attention.
In my opinion, your ‘soul mate’ relationship isn’t a miracle sent from heaven. It’s a love born out of emotional maturity and strong relationship skills like compassionate communication and mutual growth.
It’s no longer a mystery to me what makes a great sex and intimate life.
It happens when both partners come together as a team, to build the kind of relationship they desire.
Having the benefit of an experienced sex and relationship coach to support you getting to your ideal relationship, increases your chances of getting what you want exponentially.
Even the best relationships need help sometimes. The smart couples reach out for help when they need it.
Helping couples find their path to love and intimacy is one of my greatest joys. If you want to know how relationship coaching can help you along your path, set up a Discovery Call with me and let’s talk.
Shame doesn’t change behavior or eliminate the desire that is motivating our actions. It drives our desires into secrecy, and secrecy coupled with shame undermines the trust and intimacy of a relationship.
Play is a reset button for our over-stressed, news-saturated, time-pressured adult minds. Most couples I work with will readily admit that play is not something they experience on a regular basis. Life has gotten too busy. There’s barely enough time to be alone to talk, much less play.
I was helping a friend celebrate his birthday this week. The 4 of us who attended this little outdoor soiree were diligently wearing our masks and keeping our distance. When someone held up a camera to take a pic of the birthday boy, I jumped up and, without thinking went over to wrap my arm around him and snuggled up close for the camera. In that split second I completely forgot that touching was a risk to both of us. I lurched back, apologizing profusely for my momentary lapse. “When was the last time someone touched you?” I asked him…
I love my couples. They reach out for sex coaching, wanting to create a fulfilling sexual and intimate life. The number one obstacle to achieving their goals is sometimes an unhealthy relationship dynamic. For most of us, opening ourselves to sexuality with our partners requires trust, connection and a sense of emotional safety. If our relationships are being impacted by unhealthy dynamics that leave us triggered and harboring conscious or unconscious resentment, sexuality will be impacted or, at worst no longer exist.