It’s Not You, It’s Me

2021-12-20T11:19:13-08:00

Most couples who come to me for intimacy and relationship coaching have one thing in common; they want to know how to get their partner to change. They’ve gotten so used to paying attention to their partner’s shortcomings, that they’ve forgotten, or chosen to ignore their own 50% of the relationship equation.

It’s Not You, It’s Me2021-12-20T11:19:13-08:00

Finding the Gifts in Conflict

2021-12-20T20:10:51-08:00

No matter who you are or how happy you are in your relationship you’re going to experience conflict. Experiencing conflict in your relationship is not sign of weakness, nor a lack of wisdom. It’s simply a polarized dialogue between two people holding opposing positions. How we navigate this dialogue is determined by how skillful we are at moving through conflict as a couple.

Finding the Gifts in Conflict2021-12-20T20:10:51-08:00

SLOW DOWN, Couples at Play

2021-12-20T20:05:50-08:00

Play is a reset button for our over-stressed, news-saturated, time-pressured adult minds. Most couples I work with will readily admit that play is not something they experience on a regular basis. Life has gotten too busy. There’s barely enough time to be alone to talk, much less play.

SLOW DOWN, Couples at Play2021-12-20T20:05:50-08:00

Putting the Sexy into Consent

2021-10-20T16:35:03-07:00

One of my couples came to me feeling the fallout of a non-consensual incident that resulted in one of them feeling angry and the other confused. The man made the mistake of not asking his partner’s consent to try out something new in the bedroom. Rather than talking about it with his partner beforehand, he showed up in the bedroom with handcuffs, and proceeded to lock his partners arms behind her back. There was no conversation about using restraints and no mutual exploration on the subject of bondage beforehand. In effect, consent was not given, and because of that it didn’t go well, at all.

Putting the Sexy into Consent2021-10-20T16:35:03-07:00

The Curse of Confirmation Bias

2022-06-23T07:32:18-07:00

Confirmation bias. We all have it. We experience it every day in the news, in our politics, in our workplace, and most directly in our relationships, where partners can suffer the consequences of confirmation bias on a daily basis. When it comes to our relationship it makes sense then that our brains are far more skilled at noticing what’s wrong with our partner, than what’s right.

The Curse of Confirmation Bias2022-06-23T07:32:18-07:00

Ethical Porn

2022-06-23T07:43:20-07:00

Watching other people have sex is tucked deep into our DNA. We’re drawn to it out of curiosity, the thrill of voyeurism, the excitement of arousal, and the all time big driver in our human bodies, the desire to procreate. Watching others have sex signals our desire to have sex ourselves, since time immemorial. As a sex and relationship coach, I see how porn tends to pit partners against each other and leads a couple down the road of sexual shame, secrecy and mistrust. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Ethical Porn2022-06-23T07:43:20-07:00

4 Stepping Stones to Effective Communication

2022-04-11T19:36:35-07:00

Having successful intimate conversations in a relationship is an art and practice. Even those who may have picked up some communication tools for the workplace, or from self-improvement workshops, won’t necessarily be able to transfer those skills to the type of very personal conversations that happen at home when emotions are running high. Our conversations with our partner hold a lot of weight. Everyone suffers when communication breaks down at home.

4 Stepping Stones to Effective Communication2022-04-11T19:36:35-07:00

Sex and Grief

2021-12-15T11:48:08-08:00

Where does sex fit into grief? The myth we tell ourselves is that these two very basic human experiences are mutually exclusive. We believe that we shouldn’t want sex until we’re feeling sexy and receptive, and we can’t be grieving if our bodies are turned-on and orgasmic.

Sex and Grief2021-12-15T11:48:08-08:00

The Seen and Unseen Impact of Trauma in Relationships

2022-06-23T07:48:48-07:00

Trauma lives in those who are obviously dysfunctional, as well as the lives of the seemingly highly functional. Trauma lives in the lives of the privileged as well as the lives of the underprivileged. Trauma doesn’t know an income bracket. When it comes to the impact on happiness, trauma treats all people equally.

The Seen and Unseen Impact of Trauma in Relationships2022-06-23T07:48:48-07:00

The Cold, Hard Truth About Long-Term Relationships

2022-06-23T07:32:42-07:00

There’s no getting away from the fact that couples in long-term relationships impact each other profoundly, in small and large ways. If you’re a couple who live together there are moments throughout each day that bring you together to discuss something, to work on a task, to accomplish an errand, to share a story, or listen to one. Partners flow in and around each other with such symbiosis, that we can sometimes feel like we’re one mechanism with a shared mind.

The Cold, Hard Truth About Long-Term Relationships2022-06-23T07:32:42-07:00
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