Savoring is more than mindfulness. Mindfulness brings us to a razor’s edge of awareness that has qualities of neutrality and acceptance. Mindfulness teaches us to be with what ‘is’. Savoring brings an additional layer of experience with it. It brings a depth of noticing that is filled with feelings of gratitude and appreciation, and even a sense of preciousness.
Sharing fantasies with your partner is the 2.0 of sexual communication. In order to support each other’s sexual growth and learning, ask your partner if they’d be interested in sharing their sexual fantasies, for the purpose of deepening your sexual connection and expanding your erotic experience. When we’re tuned into our partner’s erotic mind, we can support them having the experience they’re drawn to.
Shame doesn’t change behavior or eliminate the desire that is motivating our actions. It drives our desires into secrecy, and secrecy coupled with shame undermines the trust and intimacy of a relationship.
“When was the last time someone touched you?” I asked him. “It’s been 6 months”, he said, looking shocked at hearing his own words. Something so natural as touching a friend in a happy moment has been taken away from us, unless we’ve joined in a pod with one or more equally cautious others. One of life’s great pleasures is suddenly dangerous to ourselves and to those we long to touch.